Random Thoughts

You ever get the feeling you are on the beginning of something huge, bigger than even you thought of? What do you do with that? Where do you begin?
That's where I am. Several people that I care about have made bad decisions recently. It has opened my eyes to what might lie ahead for me and my family. i think this new ministry position is bigger than I first thought. It seemed like everyone here had it together. but now I see so many souls in danger. Instead of growing, God is leading us to bandage our walking wounded. My whole outlook has changed now. For the first time in my ministry, I feel like I am locked in a death match with the enemy for the kids in my group. I have always known that we did battle for their souls. but it seems as if God is screaming at me that it is more intense here, more important, and deeper than anywhere I have been before. That's not a bad thing...I love challenges. It's weird though. I have loved the kids in my group at other churches. But here it is deeper. Maybe it's because I feel more like a father in my personal life that it is easier to relate.
there are bright spots. But, they seem too far hidden and far in between. the culture here has a hold on these kids. There is only one way and that is ole red's way. Everyone drinks in the fields after ball games or at house parties. Everyone has sex with their love interests. The norm here is to be at church on Sunday after you have sinned in excess the night before. Adults seem to shrug it off with the "kids will be kids" attitude. I fear that someone is really going to get hurt by this before they listen. Or worse.
God what cna I do to help them hear You? What can I show them to help them see You? Be my guide, give me Your words, give me Your eyes, show me what I can do to bring these kids to You before it is too late. please.

You Don't Always Have to Strain To Hear Him

Over the last two weeks, God has moved and spoken in huge ways in my life. In doing so, a long dry spell of communication was broken. or was it? Could it be that I was trying too hard to figure out where to go next, what to do next, or where God was leading me rather than listening to Him tell me it would be OK?
I mean, this whole time when I felt like God wasn't near me, wasn't listening, wasn't working on my behalf, He was busy laying out the next steps for me. I mean, a man coming up to Sarah and I with the offer to pay for my continuing education isn't an overnight event! And neither is the family whose home we lease getting the job offer of their life and needing to come home. So many pieces had to fall into place for that to happen, and for Sarah and I to hear the answer of our prayer about that house. So, then we get the answer that is not the house for us long term and we have to find a new place to live in 7 weeks. My bro in law talks to a friend of his who puts us in touch with a banker who is willing to take on the risk of giving us another mortgage at a great rate. That took a little background work, huh? And then to find two houses in our price range that we love and both owned by God loving families that need to move out at the same deadline we need to move in. Coincidence? Not at all!
Why don't we give God the credit He so richly deserves?! I feel so silly for moping around like my world was falling apart when He was laying foundations for me and my family like this. So now here we are. Moving this month to a new home that is less per month than the rent we were paying. Registering for school with a check in my pocket for tuition. And feeling like there is no weight on my shoulders at all! God is so good!
Father, please forgive me for my doubts. For not seeing You at work in my life. For the thought that You might not know what was best for me and my girls. For trying to "fix things" without your help. I have so much to learn about Your ways. Thank you for your patience with me. and thank You for what You are doing in Sarah right now. i know she loves how much closer you guys have gotten. Keep using us.

Touching The Fog

I awoke on Sunday morning at 5 AM for a Father's day fishing trip to Reelfoot Lake with my dad. He was late. So I let out Rem, my lab. As rem and I walked around the yard, I knew why dad was late. Our whole area was covered in a thick fog.
Fog is alot like snow in that when it settles into an area, it seems to erase all noise. It was totally silent. Anytime I am able to get into a place of silence, it seems God speaks to me. Today was no different.
I noticed how thick the fog was. I could barely see my neighbor's house. Yet, where I was standing, there seemed to be no fog. As I approached the fog shrouded shed, the fog seemed to dissipate. I could see where the fog was thickest. I could see that the fog surrounded me. I could even see evidence of the fog's presence on a fleece blanket Sarah had left out and the trash can lid. Yet, I couldn't touch the fog. The fog was all around me and yet I was not in the midst of it really.
That's when God told me that was what my life was like at the moment. I have spent several years now trying to help people experience the fog of the Holy Spirit. I have told them about the thickness of it, explained the way it can encompass you, shown them the evidence of where it had been. Even last week, I had the awesome opportunity with my new youth group to walk some of them into a place where the Holy Spirit surrounded and overwhelmed them. Yet, it seemed to me that the Spirit was all around me, yet too far from me to touch.
Did I loose my passion? Did sin overtake me when I was unaware? Had I grown so used to the move of the Spirit that it lost its effect on me? Why God? Why can't I feel You? Why don't you cover me, envelope me? Why doesn't the Spirit seem visible around me?
With the wisdom and patience of a wonderful Abba Father, God replied. The issue was not in the questions above. I had been so busy showing other people how to experience the Spirit's ministry that I had neglected my own experience. Since leaving NCF 6 years ago, i have led 3 different youth groups. At the first two, I had an extreme sense of urgency about my call there. I put the kids first and concentrated more on them than my own soul. Along the way, we had two children and my time was divided more. Now, we are in TN and have two house payments. The new youth group, the transition for my family from metro AL to rural TN, and how to pay out more in bills than you have coming in have taken even more of me. I have neglected God. I have failed to spend enough time at His feet, failed to take time to hear His voice, and even failed to realize that I hadn't felt His touch in so long.
I can't live anymore with this space between us. he has not moved, I have. I have substituted great youth services and experiences in students' lives for true connection with MY God. I have allowed Sarah's encounters to be my fuel rather than feasting at the table He has prepared for me. I want the fog. i want to be lost in Him again. I want to feel out of control and at total peace at the same time, like itused to be. How I miss the NCF family and their teachings. But it is time to don my big boy underwear and learn to strive for His presence. Thank you Jesus for speaking to me and straightening me out.